valentines day

Marriage Assessment

While Scott & I were in training to become part-time missionaries overseas, a couple came and spoke to us about the importance of a strong marriage.  They shared that it is vital to take time away each year to assess your marriage, to talk about ways in which to improve your marriage and to take time to get away from everyday life.  They gave us a list of 20 questions: 10 questions were for the husband to complete and 10 questions were for the wife to complete.  Each year, make it your goal to take a trip together and spend time going over these questions. 

It sounded like a good idea at the time, so we filed the questions away.  Well, a year later, we pulled them out and went over them with each other.  It truly was an eye-opening experience.  As we went through the questions, we realized that we both had some unmet expectations and that we both had areas where we needed improvement.  The weekend was much-needed: we needed time to get away from the busyness of life and time to focus on our marriage and how we can be a better spouse.  We came home feeling re-energized and refreshed. 

I wish I could say that we have done this every single year, but that hasn't happened.  Life can get busy all too quickly and having small children at home makes it hard to find time to get away.  But it is a goal to take time away each year to answer the questions and spend some time away. 

We have come up with our own set of questions that work best for us.  Feel free to use our questions, or come up with a set all on your own!  I hope and pray that God uses these questions to help draw you closer to your spouse and to our Heavenly Father.  

“Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage…”

Hebrews 13:4

Here are some basic guidelines for planning your time away:

  • Prepare for your time together.  Plan to do things together. If at all possible, go away somewhere. Go some place different without distractions. Find someone to watch the kids and put phones away.

  • Pray before you begin.  Ask God to help your prayerfully answer the questions so that you can ultimately build a stronger marriage. Suggested Scripture Reading: Ephesians 5:21-33.

  • For the questions: 

    • Make 2 copies of each assessment. Read over all the questions beforehand.  Take time to thoughtfully answer your questions.

    • Be truthful but do it in a way that will bring unity to your marriage, not in a way that will be viewed as an attack on your spouse. 

    • After you have both taken time to answer the questions, meet back together and read over each other responses.  Then, take time to go over each question with one another and talk about ways that you can make your marriage stronger. 

    • Thank each other for what it means to have them in your life as a spouse and take time to really discuss the ways in which you hope to improve upon your marriage. 

    • Close in prayer.  


Here are the questions. Again, feel free to use these as they are written, or you may need to adjust them to fit you and your stage of life:

10 Questions a Husband Should Ask His Wife Each Year

The wife should answer all of the questions by herself first and then go over her answers with her husband. 

1.      Do you feel like you are using your gifts and talents to serve the Lord?  In what other ways do you think God wants to use you? How can I better help you accomplish this?

2.      How can I better show you that you are important to me?

3.      What are some goals that we should set to accomplish this year? How can I better lead us in this direction?

4.      What are some things that you would like to do to help yourself relax? How can I help with this?

5.      What attribute would you like to develop within yourself and how can I help you accomplish this?

6.      What attribute would you like to see me develop or improve? 

7.      What can I do to make you feel more secure in every aspect of our marriage?

8.      Do you feel like I listen to you enough? How can we make our communication better?

9.      What do you feel we need to work on most in our marriage?

10. How can I make your life easier? How can I pray for you?

10 Questions a Wife Should Ask Her Husband Each Year

The husband should answer all of the questions by himself first and then go over his answers with his wife.

1.      Do you feel like you are using your gifts and talents to serve the Lord?  In what other ways do you think God wants to use you? How can I better help you accomplish this?

2.      How can I better show respect for you?

3.      What are some goals that we should set to accomplish this year? How can I help us accomplish these goals?

4.      What are some things that you would like me to do to help you be more comfortable in our home?

5.      What attribute would you like to develop within yourself and how can I help you accomplish this?

6.      What attribute would you like to see me develop or improve? 

7.      What are some things I can do for you to show you how satisfied I am with you as the leader of our home?

8.      Is there anything I am doing or not doing that is sending a signal that I do not honor you as the leader of our home?

9.      What do you feel we need to work on most in our marriage?

10. How can I make your life easier? How can I pray for you?

- Amilee Sanders